At a recent doctor's appointment for my son, I was a brilliant combination of frazzled and over-caffeinated, and I inadvertently unleashed a powerful practice. I can confidently say his doctor has never received a medical history form filled out with so many exclamation points.

At what age did your child sit up? Crawl? Walk? These questions used to paralyze me. I would leave the forms mostly blank and quickly return the paperwork, hanging my head as if I had just flunked an exam. It pained me. I could have written “not yet” onto every line.

Fueled by a large coffee and a healthy dose of frustration, I filled in each and every line with stream-of-consciousness commentary instead of my usual blank responses. At what age did your child sit up? “Maybe next year!” Crawl? “In my dreams!!” And for my final act of defiance, on the *one* line provided for an answer to, “Does your child have any medical conditions we should know about?” I scrolled, “Are you kidding? Ha, yes!….[insert extensive electronic medical record here].” I was shamelessly chuckling as I handed the form back.

Unlike previous experiences with forms like this one, filling in my irreverent responses had not zapped me of my joy. My lighthearted responses buoyed me and my precious caregiving energy through that waiting room and beyond. Humor is an incredible tool that protects, connects, and even emboldens caregivers in many of the dark and difficult moments.

Humor allows us to move through negative emotions more quickly.

There are few acts as easy and uplifting as shared laughter. A jovial comment can enhance interpersonal connection and trust. Humor allows us to move through negative emotions more quickly. Humor can safely acknowledge an uncomfortable truth, and aid in positively reframing it. Humor is a choice, and with practice can become a wonderful habit. In moments small and large, humor can help shift your emotional outlook, the energy of a room, or a relationship. (1)

When it comes to coping, not all humor is equal. In a recent study, affiliative and self-enhancing humor styles were associated with greater well-being than aggressive and self-deprecating humor styles in parents caring for medically complex children (2). To elaborate, adaptive styles use good-natured language to connect with others with amusing comments, absurdities, or anecdotes (affiliative humor), or to support the self by describing ironic or bizarre truths of daily life (self-enhancing humor). Alternatively, humor styles that do not correlate with enhanced well-being include sarcastic or insulting humor to belittle others in an attempt to enhance sense of self (aggressive humor) or deprecate the self in an attempt to gain attention or connect with others (self-defeating humor). Interestingly, the researcher Fritz (2021) hypothesized that the wellness benefits of adaptive humor styles were generated through the enhanced ability to positively reframe various challenging, stressful, or otherwise depressing situations. In other words, when we find ways to laugh about a situation, our perspectives and attitudes about the situation may change for the better. 

The neurochemistry of humor is extraordinary. As Stanford University professors detail in their book, Humor, Seriously, a good laugh serves up a cocktail of hormones and neurochemicals equivalent to what would be released if you were “meditating, exercising, and having sex … all at the same time!” 

It would be absurd to expect us to laugh as we face each and every stress, inconvenience, or emergency in our lives. That being said, take a moment to reflect for yourself; how many times have you had a good natured laugh today? There is no right or wrong answer; but if the answer feels like not enough, you are not alone. I imagine there is an international shortage of laughter in adults, especially rare caregivers. All of us could benefit from more laughter. We can do all that life demands, but we do not need to take each moment or ourselves quite so seriously. 

Want to laugh more? Here are some resources that may help!  Take the free survey to understand your humor styles: https://quiz.humorseriously.com

Book recommendations: 

Loving You Big: One embracing the unexpected, a witty memoir by rare mom Leah Whitman Moore …. Laugh out loud funny, while also not sugar coating the stress of being a rare mom. 

Humor, Seriously: Why Humor Is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life (And how anyone can harness it. Even you.) a well researched case for and guide to cultivating humor at home and at work by Stanford University professors Dr. Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas. 

References: 

1. Aaker, J., & Bagdonas, N. (2021). Humor, Seriously: Why Humor Is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life (And how anyone can harness it. Even you.)

2. Fritz, H. L. (2021). Caregiving in quarantine: Humor styles, reframing, and psychological well-being among parents of children with disabilities. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 02654075211043515.